and I made a mistake.
Actually, it’s probably a good thing I checked my grades when I did, because at least now I still have a couple of options.
I’m passing my major specific courses with flying colors — they’re fun and easy. I’m even doing well in statistics, surprisingly. Teaching myself the material and exploiting my math-savvy coworkers for tutoring is working really well.
But geology is slaying me.
I’d like to blame my professor. I let my guard down when I thought he was kind and fun — but it turns out he kind of has a mean streak. He calls people out for not knowing answers to things he hasn’t taught us, and he doesn’t explain processes very well.
And the grade is determined exclusively by exams.
This is not great news for someone who struggles with exams in STEM courses. Ask my boyfriend; he tutored me through algebra, and he will tell you that I knew my stuff when we were in my room working through homework problems.
But I nearly failed every single exam in that class, because as soon as I sat down with the pencil and scantron, I forgot everything I knew when I walked into the room.
And all those exercises, the breathing, the meditation, the tips and tricks to battling test anxiety?
Yeah, that’s all bullshit. It really doesn’t work, and I’ve tried them all, many times.
So now I’m legitimately failing a course for the first time in my entire life, and it’s slamming into my chest like a canon ball, because I have ridiculously high expectations of myself, and failure is never an option.
Except today it is. I have two options: do the best I can and hope my good grades absorb the bad one, or withdraw.
One is futile.
The other is admitting defeat.
What’s a girl to do?