“Jami.  Be in it.”

“What?”  

“Be in it.  You’re so all-over-the-place you can’t focus on one thing.  So, be in it.”


It’s been a hell of a week.  From waking up with intense anxiety on Monday that lasted through Wednesday, to finally crashing (physically and emotionally) on Thursday, I’m not quite sure how I made it without experiencing a complete breakdown.

And we’re barely halfway through the semester.  Eesh.

I hate the phrase “self-care” (because, for me, it implies selfishness, and that’s something I’m not okay with cultivating), but I’ve been intentionally giving myself some rest-time over the last 24 hours — I’ve got to learn how to handle stress better.

But.

Here’s the good stuff.

The sky is a brilliant blue today — just like yesterday; it’s all bright and sunshiney and warm, and I sat out in the grass in front of the apartment for forty minutes yesterday talking to Lindsey on the phone, plucking wildflowers and sticking them in my sun-warmed hair.

I made shortbread cookies yesterday, and Roommate Tasia told me that my baking was always magic.  So I had a couple with my cup of tea this morning while I read Isaiah 40 (easily my favorite scripture right now).

Lindsey is going to be featuring one of her novels at a book signing in Houston next month!  I don’t have any more details right now, but I’ll be pushing it when I do.  And I know I should be stoked about her getting publicity, but mostly I’m thrilled that she’s going to be up here, and that I’ll be able to share my campus with her.

I’ve been writing again.  And pushing aside any thought of anyone not liking or appreciating or connecting with what I write, because that fear is paralyzing and I’m tired of living in it.  So I sent off Hope to one of my coworkers — she’s a creative writing major, and we’re going to trade her feedback on my story for piano lessons.

Because, 2017 goals: finish the final edit on Hope, and draft H&H.

Tenth Avenue North is in Houston tonight, with Winter Jam.  And I don’t really care about the other 9 bands, but I’m all jittery about getting to see them again.  I kind of want to fast forward through the morning and afternoon, but then I’d miss a consultation I’m looking forward to and time I’m going to get to spend with The Curly Haired Wonder.

I’ve got my savings account started, and I’m being super disciplined about putting money in and not taking it out (she says as she prepares to transfer just a little bit of money for the TAN merch table).  So I’ve hit about 1/3 of my 2017 savings goal, right on track.

Other things I’m on track for: my Bible in a Year reading plan (finishing Deuteronomy tomorrow!), homework assignments (for the next 48 hours, anyways), blogging (sort of), and graduation (finally).

Life is too good right now.

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4 thoughts on “Be In It

  1. Why do you have so much anxiety? I know the least helpful thing to say to someone with anxiety is “try not to stress”, so I’ll just say that you are loved, you have many praying for you, and never feel like you need to carry the world on your shoulders alone. We’re here for you.

    1. You’re the best, Od. ❤ I think part of it lately is that University is a lot more difficult than community college, and I'm still adjusting to learning how to balance the course work as well as a more professional type job.

      And most of it is that I let myself get to so-stressed-I'm-crying-and-my-hair-is-falling-out before I go to Jesus, because I have pride issues and want to fix myself before I let him "see" me, although in my brain I know that's not how it works?

      He's learning me, though.

      1. University life can be the best of times and the worst of times. In a lot of ways, it’s not even reality. Ask for help, from Jesus but also from those that love you. In the real world, there’s nothing that says you’ve got to figure it all out on your own. The humble and wise seek counsel, assistance, working with a good team. We’re here for you.

      2. Stepping in to say I’m so grateful the Lord sent all the Hongs our way — it is such a comfort to know there are dear friends who’ve become family in our girl’s corner, praying for her and standing with her. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to non-parents than parents, and it is good to know Jami has such wonderful “other parents” in you and Jenny. Love you guys. ❤

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