BREAKING NEWS: Young Woman Mauled By Chainsaw Armed Monster

While perusing the shelves at the Brazosport College Library yesterday morning, September 20th of 2015, nineteen year old college student, Master Star Commander, was viciously attacked by a bear. That the bear was found indoors was not the most surprising fact of the tale, and neither was the fact that it was prowling in a region bears are not often seen. The most surprising fact was this: the bear was a cyborg. Yes, a cyborg. Before young MSC could remove her nose from the book she was deeply entrenched in, a chainsaw armed monster was upon her. Fortunately, damage levels were at a minimum; all that was lost was the life of a young woman going nowhere.

After the body was recovered, the bear was found clawing its way through the twenty-eight copies of Animal Farm by George Orwell the library is in possession of.



  1. I am struggling here — I want to click the “like” button because I think the press release is really well-written… except for the fact that it’s about Master Star Commander and she is described as “going nowhere”. I don’t think I agree with that one bit. :p


  2. I need more details on this story. However, the history of bear attacks in literature can end quite well. Recall the bear attack story in “I Capture a Castle” and take heart, my dear. Not all must be lost for this young women, for I hear kisses can raise the dead. (Also, if you happen upon Stephen, send him my way.)


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