Discovery, and Rediscovery

“These years are about finding yourself,” everyone says.  “These years are about creating yourself.”

I don’t know if I completely agree with that.  I mean, we’re all in a permanent state of flux.  Nobody stays the same throughout their entire life.  Things happen; life hits you like a freight train, and more than once you wake up a different person than you were the day before.

Sometimes you change over the course of an hour, a minute, the blink of an eye, the span of a heart beat.

That was a difficult realization to come to terms with.  I don’t like change, I never have, but “to be in time, means to change,” (C. S. Lewis).

Last semester was learning Courage, learning to be brave and bold.  Last semester was learning honesty and vulnerability.

This semester is learning Love and Grace, and it is learning to relinquish control.  It is about allowing myself to be real; it is about existing and living and caring just a little bit less than I have up to this point, and I don’t mean I’m going to give the world the bird, I just have to learn not to let things get to me the way I always have.

I have to learn to balance gentleness and kindness with strength and dignity, compassion with self-preservation.  I have to learn when I’ve studied enough, when it’s time to give my body a chance to rest.  I have to learn how much coffee is too much, and to remind myself that it’s okay to ask questions, to make mistakes, to embarrass myself, because that’s how we learn.

Life is lumpy, but the lumps are where we learn.

—–

You are here,
a dot on a map
on a planet
in a galaxy of stars.

You are here
with coursing rivers of
life giving blood
in your miraculous body.

You are here,
a trove of wonders
alive and breathing
in your mind.

You are here,
brimming,
full to bursting,
with hopes, dreams, and desires.

You are here,
and maybe you’re scared,
overwhelmed, or unsettled,
but always remember

you are here.

Advertisements

One thought on “Discovery, and Rediscovery

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s